Finding Calm in Everyday Relationships : Lesson from Yoga Sutra
Image by Michal Robak on Unsplash
Growing up was both fun and challenging. I met all kinds of people—at school, in university, and later at work. Some were kind, friendly, and helpful; others were difficult to deal with or challenging to work alongside. We all meet many types of people in life.
Often, I found myself wondering, “Why did this person say that or behave this way? It’s not right.”
Of course, what I called “right” came from my own limited understanding and personal values. These situations often left me confused and disturbed. I struggled to handle difficult people—worrying, getting frustrated, or feeling angry.
Later, when I began reading self-help books, one message appeared again and again:
“It’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you respond to it.”
Though I understood it in theory, applying it in real life wasn’t easy. I would remind myself to stay calm and manage tough situations—whether at home or at work—but it rarely worked. My way of practicing it was to stay quiet on the outside, not reacting, yet silently suffering inside, suppressing my emotions, and moving on.
At that time, I lacked the wisdom to see that people are simply different—and so their behavior will also differ. We cannot expect others to act according to our own ideas of how things should be. The real practice lies in handling any difficult situation calmly—by accepting it rather than resisting or reacting to it—and responding with awareness instead of impulse.
Discovering Yoga Sūtra 1.33
During my Yoga Teacher Training, we studied the Yoga Sūtras in depth. It felt like viewing life from a new lens — a complete shift in perspective. Some sūtras touched me deeply, and one that remains especially close to my heart is from the Samādhi Pāda:
Yoga Sūtra 1.33
maitrī-karuṇā-muditā-upekṣaṇāṁ
sukha-duḥkha-puṇya-apuṇya-viṣayānāṁ
bhāvanātaḥ citta-prasādanam
A beautiful verse that teaches us the inner attitudes to cultivate in order to maintain a peaceful and clear mind (citta-prasādanam).
The Four Attitudes
Friendliness — towards those who are happy or successful.
Compassion — towards those who are suffering.
Joy — towards those who do good or act virtuously.
Equanimity — towards those who behave unkindly or harmfully, for we do not know what inner state or suffering causes their actions.
Cultivating the Garden of the Mind
The mind, left on its own, tends to grow negative thoughts — just as weeds grow effortlessly in a garden. To grow a rose or hibiscus plant, we nurture it carefully with good soil, water, sunlight, and care. Similarly, to keep the mind peaceful, we must consciously cultivate these right attitudes.
Among the four, equanimity — has been the hardest for me. When I witness unkind actions or words, I find it difficult to ignore them. I often react with anger or agitation, which disturbs me for hours or even days. Even after learning this sūtra, practicing it in real life is not easy. Sometimes I remember it; sometimes I don’t. The anger can still rise faster than wisdom.
Yoga in Practice
Our teachers often reminded us that true transformation comes not from intellectual understanding alone, but through consistent practice — abhyāsa. The regular discipline of Aṣṭāṅga Yoga ( Yama, Niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, samadhi) helps us internalize these teachings slowly, layer by layer over a long period of time.
I’m learning to accept that everyone is walking their own path, acting from the level of understanding and awareness they have in that moment.
My task is to keep returning to peace, guided by this gentle wisdom , slowly and steadily with the consistent practice .
This sūtra is not a distant ideal — it’s a living practice for daily life.
Every interaction becomes an opportunity to choose friendliness, compassion, joy, or calm detachment. And with each choice, the mind becomes just a little clearer, a little softer, and a little more peaceful.